Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
Commenting on the differences between men and women, comedian Pam Stone noted that, “Men and women have always had problems relating. As children, men were told, ‘Be a man; don’t cry!’ And women were told, ‘Let it out. Cry; you’ll feel better!’” Then she concluded, “And that is why women become emotional and men become snipers!”
Funny, yes; but also a reminder of a growing “Wild Wild West” culture within America where violence is rampant.
As an officer in the U.S. Army and a professor of psychology at West Point, Dr. David Grossman spent nearly a quarter of a century teaching soldiers how to kill. In his book On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society, he noted that most soldiers have a built-in inhibition against killing and thus must be taught to kill. Following the Civil War battle of Gettysburg, 90% of the guns retrieved had not been fired. Soldiers on both sides were willing to die for their beliefs but not kill for them. Dr. Grossman’s job was to break down such inhibitions. Today, U.S. troops have a 90% kill rate. However, Dr. Grossman pointed out that if you use these psychological techniques to train men and women to kill, you must also build in internal restraints.
Sadly, such restraints are often lacking in our world, where violence reflects a shocking lack of respect for others. What is needed is an internal moral compass based on an understanding that human existence is contingent upon the life that flows to us from God through Christ. That truth leads us to understand that we are answerable to God who created us. As the Bible teaches, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Proverbs 9:10 NKJV).
Nevertheless, “macho-man” voices within some Christian circles decry what they see as the “feminization” of our culture. One such teacher, who is famous for proclaiming, “God hates you!” fears that both the dominant culture and the church are becoming feminized. He calls for macho, “manly men” to rise up and assert leadership.
It seems that some evangelical Christians like to think of Jesus as the ultimate “alpha male.” They ridicule images of Jesus that show any hint of “wimpiness.” But Jesus was not afraid to show compassion. On one occasion, he said that he felt like a “mother hen” in his desire to gather sinners to himself (Luke 13:34).
We must be careful not to build a one-dimensional picture of Jesus. He had a godly sensitivity that the church should exemplify. The church is, after all, pictured as the bride of Christ—not his hunting companion or golf partner.
Jesus was clear concerning the approach to leadership that he expected from his followers: “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you…” (Matthew 20:25-26 NKJV).
Bullying, fighting and killing are not among the spiritual gifts listed in Scripture. If compassion, gentleness and concern for others are perceived as feminization, then let’s have more of it! Of course, these characteristics are neither exclusively masculine nor feminine, but come from God and so are expressed in the life of the man Jesus.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will help us follow our Lord in this area.
I am reminded of my mom’s favorite proverb, “A soft answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1 NKJV). She taught me this at an early age, and I was a firsthand witness to her ability to deliver soft answers. I confess that I have not always followed her example, but I have learned that it is a blessing to interact with humility, consideration, grace and gratitude. The way of Jesus gives tremendous peace of mind.
This reminds me of the story of Abigail. Her ungracious, inconsiderate and vain husband, Nabal, had refused food for David and his men and sent them away (1 Samuel 25:4-12). One of Nabal’s assistants reported this incident to Abigail. He said that Nabal had “reviled them” (verse 14 NKJV). Apparently, David was not in a gracious mood either because he gathered 400 of his men, and set out to “persuade” Nabal to rethink his response. Abigail must have known the wisdom of the proverb, because she went to intercept David. Her soft answer turned away the wrath that David had toward Nabal (verses 18-35).
I don’t think anyone could have accused Paul of being a wimp. He lived, as we do, in a time when aggression and violence were part of daily life. Thus we who serve as elders need to give careful heed to Paul’s instruction that church overseers be “not a bully but gentle, not quarrelsome, not greedy” (1 Timothy 3:3, HCSB). This strength of character comes from our Lord Jesus Christ, who in loving compassion gave his life for us and continues to serve us.
With love, in Christ’s service,
Joseph Tkach
